short stories

Read my latest short story ‘Filler Thriller’ here and how it begins, below:

‘Faye had never liked her face. 

When she was 15, it was her nose.
The proud Roman beak that passed through the generations, like a fleshy Olympic torch, wasn't neat and cute.  You couldn't cup it adorably in your hands like an anime character when you sneezed. No filter could filter it out. 

 When she was 18, it was her chin. 
If you could even give it the dignity of identifying it as a body part. She didn’t see the mandible bone, just a dribble of skin merging her mouth into her neck. Her profile was all wrong, she needed a weak nose and a strong chin. The thought of the pigeon neck that awaited her in older age made her feel sick to the pit of her (size 10) stomach. 

At 21, her lips were too thin. When she looked into the discerning eye of her phone camera, she saw them cowering under her nose; like a naughty sausage dog, they lived in its shadow. According to THE algorithm, she needed big, plump ones that looked like, if you did manage to kiss someone, they'd bounce off them. Two balloons squeaking as they met mid-air.

Good looks got you further in life, it was a truth universally unacknowledged.  

So, it wasn't any surprise that at the ripe old age of 23, she was doing a Mrs Bennett on herself, by standing outside Dr Ali's discreet Harley Street surgery….’

COMEDY ANIMATION

Animated sketches written by me and animated by Chris Cray and Simon Johnson.

Next Level Sketch

Delight your ears with some sketches from this monthly podcast written by me.